Archive for January, 2011

Dick Innes Weekend Encounter by Richard (Dick) Innes

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

1. Words of Wisdom

Thought for the week: “It is not years that make souls grow old, but having nothing to love, nothing to hope for.” – Father Congreve

“It isn’t that they can’t see the solution. It’s that they can’t see the problem.” – G K Chesterton

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Unknown

“It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.” – Napoleon Hill

“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.” – James Allen

“Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it immediately.” – Stephen R. Covey

“The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.” – Steven Wright

“Many a true word spoken in jest.” – Unknown


2. On the Lighter Side

Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. “I like the original better,” I told her.

“Trust me,” she said. “Ten years from now, you’ll like this one.”

Source: Mickeys Funnies, www.mikeysFunnies.com


3. Taking a Stand

The news is not all bad….

When Robert B. Rowling bought the Omni Hotel chain, he ordered the pornographic magazines pulled from his hotels’ gift shops and the pornographic films removed from the pay-per-view channels on the TVs in the hotel rooms. To do the latter, he had to switch movie-service providers and buy a new television for every room—some eighty-seven hundred sets! The change cost Rowling $4 million, including lost revenue.

But since the porn movies were yanked, occupancy has increased at the upscale hotels.

Charisma: “Signs of the Times,” Copyright © February 2001, Cited on www.sermons.com


4. Marriage—A Heart Warming Story

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.” She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. “I want a divorce.” I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?”

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!” That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy, but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more; she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration, I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,” she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “Daddy is holding Mommy in his arms.” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; “Don’t tell our son about the divorce. ” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face; her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute, I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown bigger.” I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me … she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry Mom out.” To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, “I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.”

I drove to the office …. on the way I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked up the stairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Jane, I do not want to divorce my wife anymore.”

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. “Do you have a fever?” she said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Jane,” I said, “I can’t divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day, I am supposed to hold her until death do us part.”

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and said, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.”

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face. I ran upstairs only to find my wife in bed—dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we pushed thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son—I’m a loving husband … but almost too late.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness, but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Author Unknown. Submitted by Ed Bradley.


5. The Power of Worldviews

Dean Acheson said, “No people in history have ever survived who thought they could protect their freedom by making themselves inoffensive to their enemies.”

Our enemies hold a worldview that is an ugly synthesis of Nazism and the most extreme reading of the Quran Trying not to offend such enemies by refusing to name them is the height of foreign policy foolishness and a flat refusal to think seriously about the power of worldviews.

– Chuck Coslon, BreakPoint July 22, 2010 www.breakpoint.org


6. Choose Caring Over Judging … Be sure to read the FOOTNOTE

By Michael Josephson of Character Counts (680.1)

Every time my wife and I leave a Lakers game we’re confronted by half a dozen or more beggars with outreached cups. Usually we try to avoid eye contact and pass quickly—annoyed rather than moved. I’ve got lots of justifications for this callous indifference:

“It’s a scam.” “Surely, these people have other options to begging.” “They’ll probably use the money for drugs or alcohol.” “How can I give to one or two and not all of them?” “If I give tonight, will I have to give every other night?” “If I give money, I’ll just encourage more people to be beggars.”

When all is said and done, it’s a rather shameful exhibition of my ungenerous nature. Regardless of their character or hidden motives, these people are much less fortunate than I am. Why am I so unwilling to help? A dollar or two would be meaningful; $5 or $10 would be momentous.

The truth is, if every night I gave each one a dollar or even five, it wouldn’t affect my lifestyle one bit. I spend more than that on snacks and parking. If I made it a point to carry a bunch of ones and fives, I could, without fanfare, provide a little bit of peace or pleasure to people who need it much more than I.

As I write this, I am resolved to choose caring over judging. Yet there is a lurking self-doubt: Will I really follow through or just find more reasons not to help? Perhaps some of you are also willing to commit to kindness. If so, we can provide moral support for each other. Let me know what you think.

After all, our character is revealed not by our best intentions, but by our consistent actions.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

© 2011 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation’s leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further information visit www.charactercounts.org
FOOTNOTE: Joy, my wife, buys large pairs of socks, fills one with small self-opening cans of food, puts the other sock inside with the food, and keeps these in her car. When she sees a homeless person near our home, she stops her car and hands him a sock full of food. Then he has two new socks to help keep his feet warm. I need to go and do likewise.


7. Almost Persuaded

A sample of Daily Encounter by Dick Innes

“‘King Agrippa, do you believe the prophets? I know that you do believe’ Then Agrippa said to Paul, ‘You almost persuade me to become a Christian.’”1

Brett Blair writes how “on January 23, 1909, a small invention played a crucial role in the lives of 1500 people. The New York-bound ocean liner, the Florida, rammed into the Republic. Jack Binns, the Republic’s new wireless radio man, reassembled his contraption which had been destroyed in the collision. He sent out distress calls for the next 12 hours until the crew and passengers were rescued in the dawn light of Sunday morning. Only a few died.

“Jack Binns became a national hero. He was given a ticker tape parade. Songs were written about him. He even testified before congress on the importance of regulating wireless technology on all ships. Congress listened politely but ignored his message. Binn gave up his quest, accepted no profit from his celebrity, and went back home to England to await reassignment. Three years later he received an assignment aboard a ship that he turned down. He had fallen in love and was soon to marry. The turned down assignment? The Titanic.

“It is now felt that Binn’s message was ignored because so few lives were lost on the Republic. It took tragedy on the scale of the Titanic for the importance of wireless to be understood.”2

King Agrippa was an almost-persuaded too—but lost. Be certain not to wait until it is too late to take heed of God’s warnings in the Bible. Be sure you have accepted God’s plan of salvation from a lost eternity. Whatever you do, don’t be an almost-persuaded.

For help be sure to read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian—without having to be religious” at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the many warnings in your Word, the Bible, telling me that I need to prepare for eternity and how to be saved from a lost eternity. Help me to be certain that I am prepared for life after death. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Acts 26:27-28 (NKJV).
2. Brett Blair, www.eSermons.com, December, 2000.

Do You Love Me More Than 18 Dollars? by Perry Noble

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

The other night I was putting Charisse (my three year old little girl to bed) and I told her that I love her. She looked me right in the eyes and told me, “I love you too daddy.”

I then told her, “Charisse…I love you more than you could ever imagine!”

She said, “what does imagine mean?”

So I told her, “basically I love you bigger than you could ever think about or dream.”

Her eyes got really wide and she looked at me with the most serious look I’ve ever seen on her face and then asked me, “do you love me more than 18 dollars?”

STOP–18 dollars, that is HUGE in her world. Seriously, 18 dollars is about as big as she could imagine…and when I told her that I loved her so much more than 18 dollars she had the biggest smile on her face…it absolutely amazed her that my love for her was greater than something that she thought was of so much value.

While I was walking down the stairs after leaving her room I was laughing at how “cute” that moment was until I felt the Lord move in my heart and show me that me trying to comprehend His love for me is like Charisse trying to comprehend my love for her…my mind literally could never even conceive it! (See Ephesians 3:17-19)

God loves His children…NOT based on their PERFORMANCE but rather as His POSTION as His child.

And…if you belong to Jesus then God’s love for you is more powerful that the sin that seems to haunt you…

God loves you even though you are wrestling through an addiction!
God loves you despite the abortion.
God loves you even though the divorce was finalized.
God loves you even though you can’t get that particular season from your past out of your mind.
God loves you even though you rejected His love and sought to be religious to gain His approval.
God loves you even though you turned your back on Him and ran as hard as you could.

He loves you because YOU are HIS CHILD (Romans 8:38-39)…and that love He has for us is greater than anything we could imagine or fathom. When we try to describe His love we wind up saying really silly things like, “God, do you love me more than 18 dollars?” To which He replies to us that we have NO IDEA!

He gave His SON to pay for our sins…that’s UNBELIEVABLE love! Because, honestly, if someone told me it would take the life of my daughter to pay for your sins, well, sorry, you would be in hell! BUT God, IN HIS mercy sent Jesus to absorb His wrath in our place…NOT because we deserved it, but because of His unbelievable love. (See Romans 5:6-8)

His love causes me to be in awe of Him…how HE could love me not BECAUSE of who I am, but in spite of who I am…and love me more than my greatest sin!

I’m in awe of a God who loves like that!

Working Together by Michael Josephson

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

I want to be thin – especially when I’m not hungry.

And it seems the President and members of Congress want to work together – especially if they don’t have strong feelings about the issue.

I liked President Obama’s call for more civility and greater cooperation, but I’m not convinced it will happen. There’s always a lot of room between rhetoric and reality.

Of course, calls for unity are not new. President John Kennedy was lofty in his appeal: “Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, and tap the ocean depths.”

In politics, business, sports, and family, cooperation, collaboration, and teamwork are not just great words, they’re great strategies.

As Ken Blanchard tells us, “None of us is as smart as all of us.” After all, TEAM means “Together Everyone Achieves More!”

Lots of people have said some smart and inspiring things about the power of unity. Here’s some of my favorites:

Vince Lombardi: “People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society.”

Margaret Mead: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Henry Ford: “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”

Helen Keller: “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

Finally, remember what Harry Truman said: “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Steer clear of Strife…!

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Have you noticed how easily strife gets into a family?
Have you noticed how quickly relationships get under pressure?
… and how often friendships are torn apart?
Why are those who are so close to each other … under such pressure?
???
The reason is not such a mystery at all!
In telling us why, Jesus repeatedly said this to us,

Again I say unto you,
That if two of you shall agree on earth
as touching any thing that they shall ask,
it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
— Matt 18:19

What a wonderful promise, what a powerful promise,
… and what a threat to the devil …!
If we can agree together upon God’s Word and His promises,
… as a family, in a relationship or in a friendship!
Then nothing can stop us … nothing and nobody!
!!!
The devil however most certainly wants to stop us!
But how is he going to stop us from using Matt. 18:19?
… through STRIFE …

For where envying and strife is,
there is confusion and every evil work.
— James 3:16

One quick way to open the door to the enemy is to let strife in.
And how does strife come into a relationship?
When I only consider myself!
I have needs! … I don’t like that! … I, me, mine!
!!!
That is the quickest way to step out of love and into strife,
And strife in a relationship is hell on earth!

… The choice is ours …
Strife and hell … or … Love and blessings

Every time an opportunity presents itself to get into strife,
… resist that devil in the name of Jesus!
Make up your mind that you’re going to walk in love today,
… no matter what or who is going to come against you …

… The choice is yours …
Make that choice today
… make it love … make it blessings …

… Read …
1 John 5:5
Deut. 30:19-20

Proverbs 27:14

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.

When is a blessing a curse? When it is flattery! Pay no attention to excessive blessings, compliments, or praise! They are actually a curse, for there is a false or foolish motive behind them (26:24-28; 29:5). The person has already deceived you, or he is about to deceive you. Godly men are not moved by flattery, nor do they give flattery to others.

The man here praises his friend with a loud voice. What does this sound level tell us about the blessing? It indicates an insincere display rather than a holy and noble compliment. He intends for the friend and others to hear the blessing. The loud praise is excessive, because it is flattery. He is using a blessing for other than friendly edification.

He rises early in the morning to praise his friend. What does this timing tell us about the blessing? It indicates a compliment and praise out of place and proportion, for there are other more important things to be done in the morning. The untimely praise is excessive, because it is flattery. He is using a blessing for other than friendly edification.

The flattery here is between friends. If an enemy used a loud voice early in the morning to praise you, it would be easy to know it was false and dangerous (Ps 5:8-10). But when it is between friends, it is much harder to see its danger (29:5). Wise men, who value sober warnings, will steel themselves against excessive compliments, even from friends.

God hates flattery. Flattery is a compliment or praise to get another person to believe or do something wrong. It is a trait of depraved men (Ps 5:9). Whores use it to seduce men (6:24; 7:21), and Israel used it to secure God’s deliverance from enemies (Ps 78:34-37). God will cut off all flatterers and blind their children (Job 17:5; Ps 12:1-3)!

Good men will not give flattering titles to men (Job 32:21-22), though very popular in religion (Matt 23:6-12). Some ministers use “Reverend” or “Father” to obtain flattery from others! Paul never used flattery when in Thessalonica, which is quite contrary to the manipulating and stroking teachers so popular today (I Thess 2:5). True ministers will not flatter: they will name sins, name names, and take no prisoners (II Cor 10:4-6)!

In a marketing era, image is more important than content, appearance than performance, and perception than reality; so it is easy to approve flattery. Sanguines have the temperament for it; salesmen are taught to do it. Rather than objectively present a product by its factual merits, they promote things with loud flattery and feigned friendliness. Compliments from a salesman about any personal matters are manifestly insincere.

Talk is cheap. Wise men ignore most bad things said about them (Eccl 7:21-22), and they ignore all good things said about them (27:14,21)! One act of true kindness is more meaningful than many exuberant blessings. Correction and rebuke are far more valuable for prosperity and success than any compliment. It is a duty for saints to think soberly of themselves, but this is hard to do, if you enjoy the praise of men (29:5; Rom 12:3).

Saul flattered David by offering him his two daughters, intending to use the bait to kill him by the Philistines (I Sam 18:17-25). Absalom flattered the men of Israel to steal their loyalty from his father David, king of Israel (II Sam 15:1-6). The citizens of Tyre and Sidon flattered Herod, but God had him eaten by worms for accepting it (Acts 12:21-23).

All praise is not sin. Praise to get a person to believe or do something wrong is sin. Jesus commended His disciples (Luke 22:28). Paul mentioned a fellow believer, who was praised in all the churches (II Cor 8:18). Paul praised Corinth (I Cor 11:2). Paul praised Timothy (Phil 2:19-22). And both husband and children will praise the virtuous woman for her diligent and noble efforts (Pr 31:28-31). Subversive praise, or flattery, is sin.

Praise severely tests a man’s character (27:21). Most men are vulnerable to flattery, from men or women; they believe the praise is true, and they will compromise to get more of it (29:5). But a wise man will prefer the rebuke of a sincere friend above the kiss of an enemy (27:5-6). Jesus, the greatest example for every believer, did what He could to hinder praise and popularity (Mark 7:36). Take heed that you forget compliments!

Seven Gut Check Questions For Staff Members by Perry Noble

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

I shared these questions with our staff here at NewSpring Church in last weeks staff meeting and thought it might be helpful if I shared them here on my website.

#1 – Would I attend this church if I were not on staff? If the answer is “no” then you should resign…immediately. God hasn’t called people in the ministry to work with a half hearted effort…and if you don’t believe in the vision/mission of your church enough to say that you would be there if they were not paying you then I am afraid your hearts isn’t there anyway.

#2 – Would I volunteer in the area I am working in if I were not on staff? This question speaks to motive…if you would not volunteer to do the job you are being paid to do then, once again, you’ve got to ask if your heart is really there. (If you do not LOVE what you do then you are not going to be able to do what Scripture commands in Philippians 2:14 and Colossians 3:23-24).

#3 – Do I feel entitled? There is nothing worse than a staff member (including a senior pastor) who has an entitlement mentality. These people believe the church has latched on to them and would sink if they were to leave (which is never the case.) Reality is the church doesn’t owe anyone…she’s God’s Bride and we (volunteers and staff) are the ones who latched on to her in regards to our gifts being pulled out of us and developed for HIS Kingdom.

#4 – Am I a tither? If you are not tithing and giving generously to your church…your heart isn’t there. Don’t argue with me…JESUS said it! (Matthew 6:21) Also…how in the world can someone who claims to have integrity work on a church and spent the tithe money of other people when they are not actually giving any themselves?

#5 – How clean is my office/work area? The answer to this question determines how well a person is willing to steward the resources that God allows them to use…AND how they feel about the church as a whole. (And…a staff member CAN and should be held accountable for this.)

#6 – How much do I complain about my job? A staff member who is always complaining most likely is not operating in their area of gifting. I’ve told my staff, “I KNOW your job is hard…it’s ministry, we’re on the front lines. A marine on the front lines in a way is never surprised when someone shoots at him…he doesn’t begin to whine and tell people how hard his job is. Ministry is, hands down, the hardest job you will EVER have!

#7 – Am I concerned about my particular area/team…OR about the church as a whole? Staff members need to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations with people if they ever perceive something to be “off mission”…even if it is not in their direct area of responsibility. A staff is a team…and everything impacts everything else. Staff members who fail to realize this will eventually create silos that actually begin to compete with other departments on staff rather than partnering with other staff members to kick satan in his cookies and advance God’s Kingdom!

Abundant Life…!

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

What did Jesus mean when He said …

… I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
— John 10:10

Some people seem to think that it means abundant problems and pressure …
… because they only read the first half of John 16:33 …

… In the world ye shall have tribulation …

Read the last line … the problems and pressure are overcome …

but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
— John 16:33

When Jesus said abundant life, He was summing up Deut. 28:1-14

… blessed … in all that thou settest thine hand unto.
— Deut. 28:8

Not blessed with problems … but blessed with solutions!
Not living in lack … but all your needs provided!
Not troubled with doubt … but led by the Holy Spirit!
Not suffering from sickness … but blessed with healing and health!
Not subject to fear … but blessed with power, love and a sound mind!
Blessed coming in and blessed going out!

Don’t run from His blessings … run into them …

And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee,
if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.
— Deut. 28:2

God has provided life in abundance for you …
… but that abundance is in Him …
It is up to you to go to God … where His blessings are …
God has not only promised and prepared abundant blessings …
He has also invited us to come to Him and receive …

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace,
that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
— Heb. 4:16

… Read …
Psalm 36:7-8
Titus 3:4-7
Eph. 3:20

Courtesy Is Kindness in Action by Michael Josephson

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

As a society we have become almost obsessed with identifying and asserting our rights – to think, say, and do what we want. That’s not surprising, given the history of our country and the prominent role the Constitution and Bill of Rights have played in shaping our culture.

We have a right to be unkind, thoughtless, and disrespectful – but it isn’t right.
Ralph Waldo Emerson pointed out, “Life is short but there is always time for courtesy.”

The idea is to act in ways that make the people we are dealing with feel valued. Courtesy is kindness in action.

It starts with good manners – saying please, thank you, and excuse me. But real courtesy involves more thoughtful ways of showing respect. Courtesy is a form of kindness.
It matters how we address people and how we greet them, as well as how we eat, talk, and cough in their presence.

Courtesy involves remembering important occasions, buying thoughtful gifts, and sending personal thank-you notes.

Making people feel important is part of courtesy, so it’s important to remember that whether or not people remember what we say or do, they do remember how we made them feel.

Make eye contact, truly listen, and show genuine interest in the lives of others by asking them questions and remembering their answers. A good start is to keep in mind H. Jackson Brown’s insight: “Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.”

Always be kinder than necessary because you can never be too kind.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Proverbs 26:17

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.

Even a friendly dog will bite, if you grab and pull its ears! And here is the busybody, stopping to get involved in the strife of others, who will soon be bitten by both parties! The Preacher teaches us the wisdom of not getting involved in the conflicts of others.

Peacemakers are wonderful (Matt 5:9). But the great work of making peace involves your own strife! If you have offended another, you are to make peace with him (Matt 5:23-26). If another has offended you, you are to make peace with him (Matt 18:15-22).

By great care, and only after careful reflection, should you get involved in others’ conflicts and try to make peace for them. For even your own strife, which you know well, is to be prosecuted with caution, let alone that of which you are ignorant (25:8)! After wise deliberation, make sure your words are the good ones spoken in due season (15:23).

Spiritual and wise men should try to help others with their problems (Rom 15:1-3; Gal 6:1-3), which includes conflict and strife. You are your brothers’ keepers in such things (Lev 19:17; I Thess 5:14). And those in authority, as parents and pastors, have the honorable right and obligation to search out matters (25:2). See the comments on 25:2.

But some people are busybodies. They love to be busy in other men’s matters (I Pet 4:15). This is a sin, and it is to be strictly avoided by wise men and women. Consider the warning by association in this text, which compares murderers, thieves, and evildoers!

Meddlers love to get involved in disputes between others. They love digging up evil between others and spreading it. It makes them feel important to be involved in others’ problems, though they are always the worst at solving their own problems! They love the inside information of private controversies. It gives them a perverse sense of worth.

Some at Thessalonica were so eager for this sin they even stopped working. Paul wrote, “For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread” (II Thess 3:11-12). He had written in the first epistle, “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you” (I Thess 4:11).

Women have a great temptation to be meddlers, or busybodies, in strife not belonging to them. So Paul recommended marriage and children for young widows, to keep them from idleness and the temptation of such folly (I Tim 5:12-15). A busy woman who is conscientious about her duties will not have time or interest in such dangerous things. Idleness is a curse on any people, as it was in Sodom of old (Ezek 16:49). The true adage declares, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” Stay busy, and do not meddle.

The Lord Jesus Christ was perfectly virtuous in this matter. “And one of the company said unto him, Master, speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me. And he said unto him, Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you” (Luke 12:13-14)? Dear reader, follow this holy example of Jesus today. The difference is very great between suffering as a busybody and suffering as a Christian (I Pet 4:14-16).

Candor Does Not Preclude Courtesy by Michael Josephson

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

A year ago, Congressman Joe Wilson* created a modern milestone of incivility by calling President Obama a liar during the State of the Union address.

The comment engendered a spasm of media-stimulated reflection about civility. Sadly, this did not discourage political activists on both sides of the aisle from using vicious language to characterize people and policies they disagree with.

Lots of nastiness came from a contingent of angry and rude protestors under the banner of the Tea party movement. This evoked equally toxic counterattacks from liberals, including blaming the shootings in Tucson on hateful rhetoric.

President Obama made an impressive, statesmanlike speech absolving Tea Partiers for the shooting and calling for political adversaries to build bridges rather than walls. Senator McCain responded in the same spirit, saying, “I disagree with many of the president’s policies, but I believe he is a patriot sincerely intent on using his time in office to advance our country’s cause.”

But pollution of public discourse doesn’t stop simply because it should.

Last week, a Republican Governor from Maine publicly told the NCAAP, “Kiss my butt,” while a Democratic Congressman likened Republican opponents on healthcare to Nazis. Yikes!

This unnecessarily offensive language is counterproductive and self-perpetuating.

We deserve and we ought to demand a higher level of professionalism.

Candor does not preclude courtesy, and passion does not excuse impoliteness.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.